crocked

sigh, my third pinky toe on my left foot is officially fractured... the doc took a look at the x-ray, and said casually, "oh, its broken."

darn.

actually, i sorta already knew it when it happened, cos it was all awkward and bent at an impossible angle - although at that time i just snapped it back lah, and wished it would magically heal. that didn't happen of course - though i've often dreamt of living in harry potter world, where with a wave of a wand, everything can be fixed!

fortunately though, we live in a world where bones remain broken until healed. yup, fortunately i say.

because to me, its things like this that remind me that i'm not indestructible. its when i get hurt, that i know i'm still alive and kicking and raring to be back in action even stronger. hurt, pain, setbacks - they do not happen to cause us distress, despite how we feel in that moment. rather, they remind us that we are imperfect, fallible. more importantly though, they remind us that life is not fair and neither is it ideal. it just is.

different people react differently in these situations, and i've always believed that you can choose how you want to take it. some choose to look for support, such as religion or friends. some suck it all in. some blow it all out. i guess i'm more the second. i just snap the toe/finger back in place, and carry on. sure it hurts, but hey its not gonna stop me from living my life the way i hope to. of course, i'm not stupid enough to break it again before it heals, but neither will i paralyse myself in self-pity and wallow. sure, some things will change and it will still hurt when i put weight on it, but with the right support and care the process of healing doesn't have to be prolonged, nor seem so bad.

my god-mum recent found out she had cancer, but instead of moping around and soliciting sympathy from all and sundry, her streak of independence and strength of character came to the front. she was determined not to let something as trivial as a potentiall terminal illness ruin her life, and went about things as naturally as you would. perhaps even with more passion and fervour than before. instead of being the victim, she has turned into the beacon of strength in the family, offering hope and support still for those around her who are languishing in their own little problems. these are the examples in my life that i choose to learn from.

for those who have been hurt, and still feel the pain, however lingering or acute. yes, you. give it time and care, and it will heal - but you gotta do your part as well. there's no magic wand, no incantation. just how you choose to deal with it, and how much you let it affect your life.

like i told pixie today when she wondered how i could still walk around like nothing's wrong, "its a fractured toe, not a broken foot". yes, its crocked. but i'll be damned if i let this stop me from blading, or diving, or even tennis (i think i'll seriously pick it up - need a new sport to indulge in since i don't think i have that many years left in rugby). and i'll start running too, soon.

i'm stubborn like that.