moving along now

i've been thinking about my future again, and somehow it seems clearer now that a world of possibilities lie ahead. suddenly, moving abroad to work for some years, or just taking time off to travel and see the world - all become real possibilities rather than just something which i hope to be able to do. i have about five months before i leave the sanctuary of the military, and start anew. let's hope things become clearer over the next couple of months.

what i've learnt this year though is that your life can turn on any of a number of things. many a times, its just beyond your control. as i near the big three-0, its certainly apt to take stock of what i've achieved so far. in real terms, i would say i've achieved nothing; because while i have always been comfortable, i've lived hand to mouth mostly and i don't own anything worth bragging about. when i leave the comfort of my job, i'm gonna be out of a career. and certainly i'm nowhere close to having a family of my own.

but (and this is a really significant "but", i feel) thankfully for me, i've never measured my life in real terms. while like everyone else, i've been attracted to the prospect of owning a nice car and having a big house to call my own, i've never craved for it, really. nice to have, good to have sometimes, but not something by which i would measure my life against. as i take stock of the last thirty years, i think i'm actually satisfied and pleased with what i have achieved - and that is to mature as a person. i've gained invaluable perspectives on what it means to be human - on being a friend, a lover, a son, a man. i've learned to be happy with myself and my place in a world that contends to constantly judge. i've grown to be able to see the flip side to things, to understand what it means to stand on both sides of the fence. i can appreciate the simple pleasures of a nice day spent reading a good book by the beach, and listening to the waves.

this year has been one of change and uncertainty; from career, to family, to love. its almost as if my life has chosen to disassemble and reset itself in time for my thirtieth. but i don't go into the next thirty armed with nothing. in truth, i'm looking forward to it with a much greater confidence and self assuredness than i have ever had before.

to all those who like me, felt that your life has turned inside out, or that you've lost your bearings - look back at the years behind not in sadness or regret, but with an optimism of what it has taught you for your future.

pause awhile, take a deep breath, and move along now.